XCVII

Holiday shopping.
Each year becomes easier.
Each year's list, shorter.

XCV

Christmas time is near.
Not allowed near mistletoe.
Way to bathroom blocked.

XCIV

Knuckle sandwiches.
Someday I'll get to taste one.
Not punched in the face.

XCIII

Picked up hitchhiker.

Seemed like a really nice guy.

"Sure, I'll let you drive."

XCII

Food vending machines.

Service in exchange for cash.

Just like a real friend.

XCI

Dinner plans with mom.

Dining at her favorite place.

Wish she'd tell me where.

XC

Losing lots of blood.

Horse and pony trample me.

Carousel dangers.

LXXXIX

Room's been out of town.

No swirlies, noogies, laughs.

Miss human contact.

LXXXVIII

New Chinese food place.

Lovers' special made for two.

Going to get fat.

LXXXVII

Mouse caught in glue trap.

Gently pried you from your doom.

Why did you bite me?

LXXXVI

Room just kicked Dan out.

Was stealing cash from my jar.

"There was more last time."

LXXXV

Dan and Room have plans.
Guess they really hit it off.
Bowling was our thing.

LXXXIV

Dan showed up today.

Reminds me of my childhood.

Thats not a good thing.

LXXXIII

Brother coming soon.

He'll be staying in my room.

I'll get a hotel.

LXXXII

Girl asked me my plans.

"Playing Magic at Helm's Deep."

I should learn to lie.

LXXXI

Friendship going great!

Can't wait 'til our next outing.

Watch out March 15th!

LXXX

Lost a lot of hair.

Bowling ball polishers hurt.

Good friends joke around.

LXXIX

Room had an idea.

Not pay rent but be my friend.

We're going bowling.

LXXVIII

Wanting to get fit.

Asked Room to help me get ripped.

Need new pair of pants.

LXXVII

Room went to the gym.
Wonder when he's coming back.
Locked me in my room.

LXXVI

Rejection letters.
Fill my inbox with regret.
eHarmony shame.

LXXV

Got the day off work.

Guess that's the silver lining.

Mace is strong these days.

LXXIV

Elevator stuck.
Pretty girl asks for comfort.
Bad day to have gas.

LXXIII

Tried out Room's nickname.
Problem is, he's hard to read.
Bruising: good or bad?

LXXII

Nicknamed roommate "Room"
Missed his name when we first met.
Bit late to ask now.

LXXI

Roommate went to work.
Didn't think he had a job.
He should pay some rent.

LXX

Midnight knock on door.
Roommate lost keys so walked home.
"Where'd you leave my car?"

LXIX

That's the final straw.
Really must evict him soon.
Spock's better than Kirk.

LXVIII

Roommate's date at door.
Had to stop her from leaving.
Told her he's not me.

LXVII

Bathroom tissue gone.
I know it was my roommate.
'Cause he mummied me.

LXVI

Answered ringing phone.
Girl asked if I'm free tonight.
"...This is his roommate."

LXV

Girl across the hall.
Been in love with you for years.
Roommate scored a date.

LXIV

Rosemary Chicken.

So juicy, fragrant, and bold.

My roommate ate you.

LXIII

So happy today.
A girl finally said yes.
Yeah right; April Fool's.

LXII

Got a new roommate.
Couldn't afford rent alone.
Two swirlies today.

LXI

I've not updated.

Sincerest apologies.

StarCraft 2 beta.

♣

My therapist tends to argue,
I should no longer write in haiku.
"It's why you're depressed
"And so often stressed."
To her I must say "screw you."

LX

Walking through the park.

Frisbee hits me in the arm.

Only five can play.

LIX

New tenant next door.
Didn't mean to offend you.
"Gene" is unisex.

LVIII

Got rid of the cat.

Can sense it was a mistake.

It knows where I live.

LVII

Went on the "dare date".
She went to powder her nose.
How long should that take?

LVI

Counting down the days.
Will soon be with you again.
Wii in for repair.

LV

Had a little hope.

Without 'stache, girl asked me out.

It was on a dare.

LIV

I shaved off the 'stache.
Am feeling more confident.
No screaming mothers.

LIII

At the DMV.
Girl wouldn't take my photo.
"Lose the mustache, creep."

LII

Couldn't update blog.

No WiFi in hospital.

Re-thinking the cat.

LI

Grocery store clerk.

Next time I'll do self check-out.

It's less judgmental.

L

Girl asked me the time.
Showed her on my Vulcan watch.
She's busy all week.

XLIX

I've had friends before.

They all seem to "move away".

I see them around.

XLVIII

Found out some bad news.

A co-worker named Dyson.

He was not amused.

XLVII

Hickey still on me.
Guy asked me my girlfriend's name.
Panicked--said Dyson.

XLVI

U.S. - Canada.

Waited all week for this match.

...TV bill not paid.

XLV

Bully not at work.
Relieved; won't be hurt today.
Guess she has the flu.

XLIV

Saw guy with hickey.

Am feeling a bit jealous.

Where is my vacuum?

XLIII

My sandwich tastes bland.
Crusty bread and much too dry.
I should stop dreaming.

XLII

Mom gave me advice.
If you set a goal, aim high.
You'll fail anyway.

XLI

Watching Olympics.

Seth Wescott wins gold again.

Mom wants him for son.

XL

Got a Valentine.

"Thinking of you on this day."

I sent it last week.

XXXIX

Yelling in my face.

Say that I should be fired.

Sir, I don't work here.

XXXVIII

Back to work today.

My locker was all cleaned out.

They thought I was dead.

XXXVII

Woke up with a cold.
Decided to call in sick.
"Who are you again?"

XXXVI

Called up PBS.
Don't have money to donate.
Just wanted to chat.

XXXV

A great game last night.
Too bad I bet on the Colts.
I owe me five bucks.

XXXIV

Superbowl Sunday

Lots of places I could go.

Just need an invite.

XXXIII

Cut off my big toe.

Called mom hoping for a ride.

She's really busy.

XXXII

Cops killed John today.

He seemed to have other friends.

Want my iPod back.

XXXI

Your face moves my soul.

Keeping me from my slumber.

Clowns freaking scare me.

XXX

Went to the doctor.
Need a kidney to survive.
But Brie wants hers back.

XXIX

Mom's playing a joke.

Changed all the locks on her house.

Wish I brought a coat.

XXVIII

Girl smiled at me.
Wasn't sure how to react.
Next time I won't scream.

XXVII

Birthday wish this year.
For someone to remember.
Wishes don't come true.

XXVI

Boss called my cell phone.
Asked why I wasn't at work.
I've been here since eight.

XXV

Was taking a nap.

Cat on chest staring at me.

Going to hotel.

XXIV

Tried to be friendly.

Fluffy Bootsie not amused.

Ball of yarn in shreds.

XXIII

Rescued cat from pound.

Stop looking at me like that.

And licking your lips...

XXII

Fortune from cookie.

"This week will bring you great joy."

Why do cookies lie?

XXI

Got number from girl.
Called now, too happy to wait.
Suicide hotline.

XX

Date was going well
But computer kept crashing.
Must reload The Sims.

XIX

Girl at traffic light.

Thought maybe you were flirting.

EMTs said stroke.

XVIII

Thinking about dad.

Feeling a little concerned.

Who did we bury?

XVII

Got a call from dad.

Said he's ashamed of his son.

Thought he died last year.

XVI

Just saw my ex, Brie.

Her boyfriend pointed and laughed.

He seems really cool.

XV

Decided to sleep.

I'm sure my phone will wake me.

Making friends is hard.

XIV

John didn't come back.

Guards kicked me off the subway.

I'll wait by the phone.

XIII

Named my new friend John.

Wondering when he'll be back.

He must like 'N Sync.

XII

Finally woke up.

Crusted blood covers my face.

I miss my new friend.

XI

Made friend on subway.

Saw that I had an iPod.

"Mugged" is a strong word.

X

My snowman was crushed.

Coal and carrot in the snow.

Girl scouts can be cruel.

IX

Checked my messages.

Blockbuster clerk used choice words.

Crying dulls the pain.

VIII

Coworkers found this.

They tell me I'm so funny.

They think it's a joke.

VII

Surfing the channels

Infomercial for home gym

My abs are sub-par.

VI

Waiting at cafe.

Servers know I've been stood up.

Guess I'll have dessert.

V

Antidepressants

Just seem to make me randy.

Wait...took the wrong pills.

IV

Sometimes through the night

I can hear a baby laugh

I know it's at me.

III

Just checked my Email

Seems I have a follower

Will you be my friend?

II

Tried to be fancy--

Made a soufflé but it burned.

Cried myself to sleep.

I

Started a new blog.

Realized that nobody cares.

I am sad today.